Saturday, July 28, 2012

Currently

loving: lazy mornings on the couch

reading: I just got done with "Pride and Prejudice". It took a little bit, but I really got into it. I'm watching a Youtube miniseries based on the book, which is really why I read the book, it's SO interesting to see how they modernized the story. I'm excited to watch it unfold, especially now that I know what's going to happen. If you want to watch it too, check out the Lizzie Bennet diaries.

waiting for: K-State Football to start!! #35days from today!

excited about: ummm.....the above! I love football, but I'm also excited just to see all of our friends -since college we really only see a lot of those guys at tailgating, so it's always great to get together. Plus tailgate food!

missing: Mt. Dew this morning - I've been so good for a long time, and I hardly ever crave it anymore...but for whatever reason I am this morning.

trying to: get motivated

working on: cleaning out that room in the back of the house that just becomes a magnet for junk

enjoying: the Olympics! Such a fun time of the year

using: my DVR so I can watch the end of the Opening Ceremonies - it got too late to watch it all last night, since I started about 3 hours late as it was

wearing: umm...it's Saturday and I'm not doing anything but staying at home - still have my pajamas on!

planning: me? plan? I only like to try to plan 5 years out - I'm not good at planning the stuff right in front of me. Like I want to figure out exactly how we're going to build a new house, where at, and where we'll live while we're building, if we should sale our house in Clay first - and do you think that any of this is anywhere near happening? no, not at all.

singing: I don't do that.....it's best for everyone.

needing: to brush my teeth, yuk! I really have done nothing other than move from the bed to the couch!

learning: I've been learning all kinds of stuff, I'm an Internet/twitter addict - that means I've read articles on almost anything but understand nothing

listening: The Civil Wars - I am so obsessed with them. I love their stuff, I love their covers - oh goodness please listen to their cover of Billie Jean, Disarm, Sour Times, and you must listen to their version of the Star Spangled Banner - gorgeous.

wishing: I was a better housekeeper and more organized

doing: nothing yet! But soon, I will do the dishes and put away the clean laundry and venture into that room that's supposed to be a spare bedroom - not an extended version of the junk drawer.

praying for: confidence and growing stronger in my faith

dreaming of: taking another vacation this year - I told Mark there's just so many places I want to see, from Coney Island to Savannah, Georgia (to England and Germany and New Zealand, etc.) that we need to start now!

{this currently post idea is borrowed from Emily at Jones Design Company. Gorgeous inspiration. You should read her blog.}

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Tweet Tweet

So are you a Twitter addict like I am? If you're not on Twitter, you have a hard time understanding what is so interesting for us Twitter fiends - right? Twitter is like a really big Chat Room. But someone said it best when they said Twitter is for all of the people you wish you could have a drink with (and Facebook is for all of the people you'd like to throw a drink at!) I love watching live sporting events and following along with all of the beat writers and sports analysts. And I love the rumors. Ah yes, Twitter rumors....and Twitter jokes - love it!!
And I spend every moment on Twitter because Twitter is sarcastic. and Twitter is informative, and Twitter is funny, and mainly - Twitter is just a good time.
So follow me on Twitter, it's all of my snarky thoughts that don't belong on Facebook!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Obsessing

Everyone knows that Social Media is the new "buzzword" for businesses. You have to do them all, Facebook, Twitter, Blogging (duh) and now even Pinterest is being used by companies. Well my lovely, little radio station has to stay up on all the hip new things so we started our own Pinterest page. We pinned the usual food recipes, funny posts, and song lyrics. We use it to link to our blog, pictures of our communities, etc. But we also use it to help our listeners learn a little more about our "on air" people. And somehow, I've become a gal you'll hear on the air quite a bit. So, I have my own little "Obsession" Board. I've pinned of course some old books and clocks and antique-y gorgeousness. I've pinned The Hunger Games, a Wine Guide, music favorites, and more. I'll let you know about some more of my obsessions, but I HAVE to tell you about one of my latest fixations. 


Veronica Mars - yes Veronica Mars, from like 6-8 years ago. I watched all 3 seasons within like a month. I had to start to pace myself as I got closer to the end, just because I didn't want it to end. And then it did, and horribly so. I could not get over it for days! I still think about it, and wonder about Veronica and Logan, their life, if they were ever able to figure out their issues, and what about Piz and Wallace and Veronica's dad. Oh my goodness, it's just horrible that I can't find out what happens with these made-up people's lives! But seriously, I have never been so involved in a tv series (and believe me, I get pretty hardcore about tv shows) but I feel that watching so many hours of this show in such a short amount of time really heightened my connection to this show. Veronica Mars I love you. And I have such a bad boy crush on Logan. Please someone just make this a movie, please. I NEED to know their future!!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Catching up

So.....it's been awhile - but who cares, right!?

So what's happened since the last time I blogged? Mark and I have grown our farm, bought a convenience store with a couple of friends, gone on a cruise, grew friendships, seen a fertility specialist, been disappointed and cried a few tears, learned a lot about ourselves, gotten hooked on a few TV shows, lost some weight, and much more that I don't even remember right now.

The biggest thing in the past 9 or so months has been Mo's Stop 'n Shop. Mark and I, along with our friends (who represent the "O" in Mo) bought our local, little small town convenience store. It has been............ eye-opening. I have always wanted to own my own business and being a part of a such a great small town's community has been great, probably the biggest reward for what we're doing. My sister said it best when she reminisced about our own little small town gas station. When we'd head home from college with friends in tow, and we'd always have to make a run past D&G's. But it has also been tough, a daunting task, and overwhelming at times. The hours we've worked, the times I've had to leave my actual full-time job, the fights it's caused, the stress we've endured, honestly just a bunch of crap. But I love it. I love the challenge and the pride I feel walking into MY store. I kinda feel like buying this store has been a "marriage" in a way. It's difficult, rewarding, maddening, and I can't and won't just walk away from it.

So here we are- Newlyweds, Mo's and I. I guess I just need to figure out where to go on a honeymoon!

Friday, September 23, 2011

praying...

Today I am believing in putting it out there, asking for help, and the power of prayer. If you could please say a quick prayer for Mark and I and our family, we would much appreciate it. Thank you!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

I’m good at beginnings…

I have issues with finishing pretty much everything I do……including blog posts. Which helps to explain the lack of them. I have dozens of posts that have a few sentences. I even have some with just a few words-I don't know what the world I was talking about.

I also cannot finish any projects in my house. That's why I have half the dishes done, a couple kitchen cabinets cleaned out, the laundry mostly put away, and another blog post began. I also have rooms that need the trim touched up, two windows and a door just sitting in my living room (they're all decorative – not just like pieces of my home that are sitting around.) You see sometimes, something else just ALL of the sudden seems really important. Or perhaps my hair needs some attention right then. Or else I suddenly remember that last ice cream cone that's in th

Monday, July 4, 2011

Welcome to Wheat Harvest 2011

We have finished cutting wheat for 2011. If you're from a farming background, you know how big this is. You've put a lot of hours in, and it's your end game. It's a lot of things all at once. Exciting, nerve wrecking, there's lots of pressure. You're dealing with the whole family, and doing things that you only do once a year. There's just a little bit going on. And this was Mark's first year as a Full-time Farmer (Heck ya!) I'm so proud of him. He's living his dream and he's so happy about it. He was jumping out of bed in the morning to go spray, and start double planting beans, then cutting wheat as long as the wheat would let him. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy, for him or for me. I feel kinda like a baby, complaining about not seeing him, but it was hard for me. My birthday always falls right in the middle of harvest, and so it sucks. But like I said it's all done, the wheat was better than expected (still worse than average) and the beans are almost all in. So, I'm happy to get my husband back, but I'm sad that I'll have to say goodbye to this….


That's right, he went all out for his first harvest……..and I liked it!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

PCOS

I have PCOS, Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. Basically it means that it's hard for me to get pregnant. I don't ovulate regularly, if at all. PCOS is the leading cause of infertility and that is how we discovered that I had it, after unsuccessfully trying for awhile. I'll give you a little bit of our history – but I want to say that there are so many different things that go on in my head and that change about how I'm feeling day to day, that I have been scared for over a year to write this post. But I'll explain that more in a little bit.

Mark and I stopped using any form of birth control after we had been married for about 9 months. I always imagined having kids really young, and I also always thought that I was probably going to have a hard time getting pregnant because I was so irregular and that's why I had been on birth control since my sophomore year of college. After about a year and a half of no birth control, not really thinking about what day of my cycle I was, and nothing happening – I wanted to go to the Dr. I know it takes two years, sometimes it takes longer, I knew all that stuff but I was still worried. And so I went to the Dr., I explained what was going on, she ordered a sonogram and it was pretty clear from the beginning that I had PCOS. So we started on Metformin, an anti-diabetic that has shown to help women with PCOS. And it helped-right away my periods became more regular. I also lost 10 pounds because my testosterone levels went down. We tried that for awhile…still nothing. So Mark went to the Dr. and found out he had a low sperm count. So he went on meds, and his Doctor recommended we look into IUIs. Intrauterine Insemination. Basically AI for my cattle friends. We were happy to find that a clinic in the town 35 minutes from us did IUIs and that we weren't going to have to travel over 2 hours for this. After meeting with the Doctor from the clinic, I was put on Chlomid, along with my Metformin. Mark was put on Chlomid to keep his numbers up and I started to feel like there was some hope. It's been 6 more months since that meeting, and still nothing. We have only managed to do 2 IUIs, along with a whole lot of old fashioned baby-making with all of us all drugged up. And still…..nothing. That's made it 3 years since I went off bc. And I swear, if anyone tells me, well you weren't really "trying" for 3 years so don't worry – I will scream. Just because I wasn't counting days and I wasn't regular and wasn't on a whole bunch of meds that are supposed to make this thing work…doesn't mean that I didn't hurt every time I got a Negative on my little stick.

And so, where exactly does that leave me now? Hurt, scared, exhausted, emotional (Good Golly I'm emotional). But also guilty and ashamed and mainly just sad. Call me crazy (and many will) but I always imagined in my mind that I would have my fourth baby by the time I was 31-32ish. And I know I'm still a long way from there (I just turned 26 on Thursday) but it feels like those years are coming on a lot quicker than I ever thought with not a bunch of hope for our current methods. But at the same time, I also feel guilty for all these feelings. There are women who have been trying for 8 Years-10 Years, women who have suffered miscarriage after miscarriage, women who have been dealing with these feelings for so much longer, that I almost feel as if I have no right to feel sad, hurt, scared, and exhausted.

I have started this same post a hundred times, and have never really been able to finish it. I think because I don't know how to tie it up in the end, because there are a hundred things I want to say, and tomorrow I'll want to say it differently. I think I have a hard time with this because I don't want to be known as that girl with PCOS. That girl that can't get pregnant. I just want to be me, without a label. And before I told anyone when people would ask, "So when are you gonna start having babies? When's your time? Aren't you gonna have a kid yet?" and all those fun questions, I could just joke with them, or ignore them, or be bitchy to them (which I've done – and not been really proud of later – but it felt justified at the moment.) But now, are random people going to think they have a right to tell me how to get pregnant, or to ask what day I'm on in my cycle? Maybe, but that's ok. I'm going to deal with it. Because I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't let some of this out….and I know that people ask because they care, or well most do. And I know that sometimes, as tough as I want to be, I need someone to tell me that they're praying for me, and that there is still hope somehow. And maybe there's someone else out there who is struggling and I want them to know that they're not alone and it's not all craziness (because have you ever looked at some of those Message Boards? I haven't since I was diagnosed because they can be just downright depressing.)

So I have many more thoughts on mandatory every other day sex, and the unwanted advice about when I should be having my kids (have them now! no wait 10 years! No now – no later), and the things people say that they think are helpful, and even the questions I have for God. But here it is, the beginning of my PCOS story. This chapter of our family's life. And most importantly, I want to record this and remember this because when I do have four kids, whether from an IUI, adoption, or something just finally aligning right-I think I'm going to forget the hurt and the tears that I have today.

Monday, May 30, 2011

I can at least say it’s over

So…..last week – last week sucked. It started out with a nice little chat with a uniformed officer of the law. You see, I didn't have my seatbelt on. And it happened to be "Click It or Ticket Week." Yep, that means a Ticket for me. 5 Bucks – but still, everyone heard my name on the scanner and I no longer got to say that I NEVER received a ticket. So, I was whining about it. "Ruins my record – I've never gotten anything other than some verbal warnings – blah blah blah." Well that was Wednesday, Thursday brought a new day….and a much more expensive ticket. That's right; I got a second ticket within about 36 hours of the first one. I was going about 70 in a 65…but the 65 switches to a 55 and my mind was elsewhere (I was practicing my Matron of Honor speech!) And I definitely received a much higher price on that one. Thursday was also a long day, not just with how it ended but also how it started. I didn't get much sleep the night before in anticipation of my morning. You see, I was a witness in a criminal trial. It sucked and was sufficiently scary – though it really was only for a couple of fraudulent checks. At least this time I hadn't seen someone die in my front yard (let me be straight though-I only had to give a statement for that.) But I was questioned, and then cross-examined, and then re-questioned, and re-cross-examined. Never have I been so happy to hear "No Objection" as when they asked for me to be released from my subpoena. I had really been freaking for a while before it and Mark was trying to help me out. He told me that it would all soon be over and that I would be able to chalk it all up to life experiences. Well I'm sorry, but I think I'm about done with these new life experiences.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Remember when it was cool to NOT be on Facebook?


Everybody's on Facebook. Every business, nationwide or local, every charity, everybody's dog is on Facebook. It's interesting to see what it has become and the info you can find there. But, also the connections are amazing. You used to play the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game, well now it's about Three Degrees of Facebook. The other day I was on hotels.com taking a look at some hotel rooms for a vacation that Mark and I may or may not be taking…and of course the website told me to Like them on Facebook. Well, ok, that's fine. I did. But I'm really starting to worry about the state of our world when I took a look at their FB page ….. and found that hotels.com had "Liked" Vanilla Ice. I mean really, what is Facebook coming to!?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Complimentary

On Sunday, I was feeling slightly nostalgic and romantic. Mark didn't go to the farm so that he could spend the whole day home with his wife. We went to church, had dinner, worked outside and got quite a bit done. It was great, I loved it. At one point I leaned over to him and said, "Honey, why did you marry me?" I know it's horrible….but sometimes I just want to hear a compliment – no matter how demanded it may be! And for once it seemed like Mark really thought about it and wanted to say something real. So he thought about and then responded "You always keep me on my toes."

WAIT………….WHAT???????

I think he just called me crazy. He married me because I'm bat-shit crazy. Awesome, I'm glad I fished for that one.